[Trigger warning: homophobia, suicide, Christianity, religion]
Today I was told I wasn’t a Christian because I was a jerk.
I was told I’m irritating.
I was told that my refusal to adhere to God’s law spoke more about the state of my soul than any words I could speak in my own defense. Today, once more, I saw the true heart of evangelical Christianity. At least, the false evangelical Christianity. And I’m pissed. And I think it’s okay for me to be pissed off.
The conversation came about because this kid posted an article by Al Mohler in which he deals with a congregation within the Southern Baptist Convention who chose to affirm gay folks. And the thread on this kids Facebook page devolved into the same poorly formed, half-thought arguments too often perpetuated by the conservative end of Christianity. All I said was: lol. I laughed. Not at Mohler’s point, the SBC can do whatever it likes (though kicking that church out seems to me to be the height of inane action), but at how quickly the thread devolved, at the very simplistic understanding of our relationship to scripture. I was then messaged by this guy and asked, and I quote, “Do you think sin is hilarious bro?” to which I responded harshly. But I think I have a right to be harsh.
I understand the arguments for an against same-sex marriage, for acceptance or not. But my opinion changed not because of great arguments (frankly, both sides have mediocre arguments mixed with a good one here and again) but because of stories, art, and listening. I remember reading this article and nearly sobbing. It tells the stories of gay teens, kids, who have killed themselves because of bullying. And then this:
Anti-gay backlash was instant. Minnesota Family Council president Tom Prichard blogged that Justin’s suicide could only be blamed upon one thing: his gayness. “Youth who embrace homosexuality are at greater risk [of suicide], because they’ve embraced an unhealthy sexual identity and lifestyle,” Prichard wrote.
I remember reading those words. “Greater risk because…unhealthy sexual identity…” and I paused.
I had to rethink my own developing thoughts on LGBTQ issues. If people die is that ok? Through it all I kept hearing, Love the sinner but hate the sin. Like a song on repeat: lovethesinnerhatethesinlovethesinnerhatethesin, the voice of “right” and “wrong” echoed onwards through my head. I went to camps where I heard people say we need to take a stand for biblical marriage, fight the decline of Christian morality. But I couldn’t help but wonder if it was all a crock of lies? If you can really love someone but not their actions when it comes to sexuality and gender.
It seems to me to be a distinction founded on air. I realized then that when people are dying because of a belief and no one does anything that that belief is inane, wrong even. And I quit fighting against gay people and tried to love on them and embrace their beauty. But all this goes deeper and is ten times more personal.
Berdyaev states, “No man can be an incarnation and personification of evil, the evil in him is always partial. For this reason, there cannot be a final judgement upon anybody.” And reading that line and re-reading it gives me pause. And it brings me to the realization that I cannot be judged except by God. My lack of biblical faithfulness, or my biblical faithfulness, are not the determining factors of my salvation. Just because I don’t buy into one interpretation held by the Church for centuries does not make me any less likely to be saved. And like the Ethiopian eunuch my brothers and sisters ask, “Here is water. What prevents me from being baptized?”
So, someone tell me. What prevents me from being baptized?
What prevents me from partaking of the grace of God?
Unrepentant sexual sin, is the answer too often given. But I don’t put my stock in my faith in God, when I confessed Jesus as lord. I put faith in my baptism by which, and through which, Jesus chose to lay his grace on me.
So, tell me. Why am I jerk for not tolerating beliefs which have caused no end to suffering for my brothers and sisters?
Why am I jerk for refusing your interpretation of the bible?
Make my day, Christians. Go ahead, make it. I dare you. Because as long as kids are dying, AIDS is an epidemic running rampant without anyone caring, as long as people are being murdered and imprisoned for things they cannot change, I refuse your biblical faithfulness. And that might make me less a Christian, it might make me a heretic, it might mean I’m not saved. But somehow, I think Jesus still loves me, flaws and all.
So, make my day. I dare you.